How to Embrace Self-Love in Motherhood
When Self-Love Feels Impossible
Never being someone who was happy with my physical appearance—always picking apart and being negative about various traits (not smart enough, confident enough, rich enough, you know, the basics)—I've spent the past few months in one of the hardest places of self-acceptance I've ever experienced. Postpartum anxiety, coupled with the physical changes in my body after carrying my twins, really took a toll on me. Let's just say that self-love has been in short supply around here.
The Pressure to ‘Fix It’ All
I was trying to do all of the things to fix myself, often comparing myself to who I was before becoming a mother or other moms who seemed to have it all together…and I kept asking myself, why wasn’t I one of them!? I will share some of the patterns that made me feel like I was failing….
Pushing Too Hard, Too Soon
Since October 2016, I pushed my body through workouts I simply wasn’t ready for. In hindsight, I see that I needed more rest and recovery rather than forcing exercise.Comparisons to Other Moms
Social media (and even real life at times) can make it look like every new mom “bounces back” quickly. That wasn’t my reality, and the comparison game only fueled my anxiety.Food Prep Fails
Trying to meal prep while caring for two infants was an epic fail. We’d cook but forget to eat—or I’d go all day without food, then overeat at night.
A Turning Point: Choosing Compassion
Eventually, I realized I needed to show myself some grace. I began to acknowledge:
This is where I’m at right now.
My body has changed—and that’s okay.
Getting Real: Putting It on Paper
I did what I do best: I made a list. I wrote out my frustrations, like:
“I hate the weight that I’ve gained from pregnancy."
"I feel like I am failing at everything I do.”
….this list went on, and on….
And yet, here's the funny thing: once I started to write things out, I realized there were moments when I had more love for my body than I ever did when it was at my “ideal weight.” Because this body, which is now staring back at me in the mirror, that isn't my ideal, carried two of the most important people into my life. In the end, the love and the joy I get each day holding my babies means more to me.
The Reality of My Body Right Now
Now, don't get me wrong, yes, I want to reclaim my health, be strong, be fit, live a long life, and get back into those size four jeans (just being brutally honest, no judgment!). But I can also appreciate where I'm at. That's when I started listing what I'm grateful for—and I decided to share it with you in hopes you can relate
My body supported me through an incredibly complex pregnancy and gave me two little miracles.
If I hadn't gained weight, my babies might not have been as strong and healthy at birth.
I was in good shape and health before pregnancy, which likely helped me avoid certain complications (though I know anything can happen, regardless of health history; this is what I felt for myself).
Extra "fluff" means I can hold two babies at once without falling over. The extra padding gives them a comfy place to crawl on. (Half joking, but hey, there's truth to it!)
I can relate more deeply to other moms who've also had complicated pregnancies or struggled to lose baby weight. It allows me to connect with and support them on a whole new level.
Finding Gratitude in Imperfections
Before motherhood, I spent too much time obsessing over the smallest flaws. Now, I see more clearly how these “imperfections” hold profound meaning. If you can find gratitude for even one part of your journey, you’re already on the path to deeper self-love.
Action Steps for Growing Your Mindset & Mental Wellness
1. Make a List of “Flaws” & Gratitude
Write down each trait or “imperfection” that causes you stress.
Next to each, list at least one reason you’re grateful for it.
Keep this list visible (in a journal, on your phone, or on a bulletin board) for daily reminders.
2. Practice Self-Compassion Breaks
When negative self-talk creeps in, pause and take a few deep breaths.
Gently remind yourself: “This is hard right now, but I will treat myself with kindness.”
If possible, place a hand on your heart to ground yourself in compassion.
3. Speak a Loving Mantra
Create a short phrase you can repeat daily.
Example: “My body is strong, and I honor all it has done for me.”
Say it whenever you catch your reflection or need a quick emotional boost.
4. Find Community Support
Talk to other mom friends or family members who truly can understand where you are with you situation
Having a community that “gets it” makes a huge difference! Mom groups can be super supportive and helpful; I found a local twin group that supported me on multiple levels during those first couple of years. Search to see what you can find near you!
5. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Remember, postpartum depression and anxiety are serious. There’s no shame in seeing a therapist or counselor if you feel like you need extra support to get through these more challenging times.
Reaching out for help is a brave and big step toward healing.
Making peace with your body—and learning to love yourself—takes time. It isn’t about perfection but about recognizing the story behind each scar, stretch mark, and change. These physical and emotional markers reflect the resilience and love it takes to be a mother.
Keep your focus on gratitude and compassion.
Write those lists and celebrate your “flaws.”
Remember: You’re doing an incredible job, Mama—even when it doesn’t feel that way.
Embrace who you are right now, and watch your mindset and well-being blossom in ways you never expected. If you can find even one small reason each day to appreciate your body, you’re already nurturing the beautiful seeds of self-love.
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