11 Things Every New Mom of Twins Needs to Know
Hey there, mama!
If you're reading this, chances are you've either just found out that you are having twins or brought your little ones home recently and are trying to figure out how to navigate this new motherhood journey! Either way, let me first say CONGRATULATIONS!!! Being a twin mom is, well, A LOT! It is filled with so much joy, many, like many, sleepless nights, and so many laughs and tears along the way. It is probably one of the biggest emotional rollercoasters we experience, from crazy hormones to body changes to figuring out how to feed two babies at the same time! It is a juggle…and I believe that every mom, especially moms of multiple, needs as much support as possible! This is one of many blog posts I plan to share about having twins, and these 11 tips are ones that I feel would be helpful to know, or I should say that I wish I knew before I had mine!
You Don’t Have to Breastfeed at Every Feeding
This is hard to hear if you are someone who, like myself, was planning to breastfeed exclusively. But here are the facts - you are making milk for TWO babies, not one. You might scratch that- you are exhausted and might not have an adequate supply to feed both all of the time - and THAT IS OKAY!
During our NICU stay, I had to alternate with the formula on and off on days when I was not making enough. I could not always keep up as they grew and needed more to meet their daily intakes. Once we were home, I had to continue doing this. It was hard emotionally at times, but at the end of the day, you want your baby to be fed, growing, and healthy! So, don't beat yourself up if you can't do it all yourself.
QUICK TIPS:
Have Extra Pumping Parts
Extra parts are especially needed if you have babies in the NICU. With all of the back and forth, you will need extras!
I wish I had this when planning what I needed for the hospital! Pumping can be intimidating, but this was one of those things that made it easier! I highly recommend getting one before you start the pumping process.
Join a Local Twin Group
Joining a local twin group is a LIFE SAVER. If you are pregnant, you can start to look and join one now!! In these local groups, you get to know other twin moms and trust me, this helps a lot! How would I have made it through some of the situations I encountered if I didn't have this extra emotional support?
In addition to getting to know a group of twin moms who genuinely get what you are going through, there are events for moms (alone) or with kids and meals sent to your home during those first couple of months! Most do swaps where you can get anything from clothing to car seats for free! People often sell more oversized items (think strollers, bassinets, even cribs!) for much less. We got our amazing City Select Double Stroller from our twin group for SUPER cheap!
Use this link to find a group near you, or search on Facebook!
Take Time To Heal
Whether you have a natural birth or a C-section, your body just delivered TWO babies! It is a miracle and a lot on your physical, mental, and emotional health. Most of your time will be spent attending to your little ones, but you must also remember to take the time to heal yourself. Nourish your body with healing foods, drink plenty of fluids, and find a way to decrease the stress, such as journaling, going to a therapist, or seeing a coach; even something as simple as diffusing stress-relieving oils can make a difference in your recovery. If you had a lot of physical issues during your pregnancy, make sure you are seeing your doctor; sometimes, twin moms require extra care with physical therapy, too!
Pushing yourself too hard in the beginning to try to get everything as organized in your home, on the perfect routine, and back in shape physically can put pressure on your mental and physical health. This mental pressure can make postpartum depression or anxiety more likely. I remember seeing other moms bounce back so quickly after giving birth (I often was comparing myself to singleton moms and ones that did not have a high-risk/complex pregnancy) and felt like I was never doing enough to get myself back in shape or that my home and life was a mess.
Remember, each person has their postpartum journey and recovery. Yours will look different from everyone else, and it is essential you listen to your body and intuition on what you need. Be sure not to neglect your health as you care for your little ones!
Opt for Deliveries; they are worth it
One good thing from the pandemic is that almost every store now offers a delivery service. You will want to avoid packing up those little ones for every errand you need to run, so take advantage of places like Target and Walmart that can deliver everything from baby supplies to groceries right to your door.
Amazon Prime, the family subscription, also helped us a lot. If you want to do a subscription-based diaper delivery, like Honest, you can do one through Amazon, and they have offers where you can save up to 20% off of the orders. I loved that it came right to our door, and we always had a total supply on hand. You truly will not be able to comprehend how many diapers you change daily with twins, so make sure you are set up from the beginning with everything you need in the easiest way to get them.
Also, do not feel guilty for ordering in during those first few months! It was nice to have a date night (in) and order from our favorite place once a week. I want to note that everyone has a different budget for these sorts of things, but ordering in is nothing to feel bad about if it fits your budget. If you have help and time before you go to the hospital, you can also do some freezer meals, so they are ready to pop right into the oven on those extra busy days!
Keep a Notebook Nearby
One of the best ways to stay organized with your baby is to write everything down. We had a notebook where we wrote down who got fed and how much they had (if being bottle fed). This applies more to those with preemie babies and trying to get a certain amount of food in daily. We even recorded when they pooped for the first couple of months to report to the doctor.
I was so forgetful and spaced out from exhaustion those first few months; the reminders made it easier for us to know what was happening. It also helps to keep all your reminders in one place, like doctors' notes and things you need to get for the babies; you get the point.
Be Flexible with Routines; try a daily rhythm
Routines and schedules can often feel more rigid; they are usually held to specific times where you are following the clock to guide you on what you must do next. Now, when it comes to feeding your twins, you should be on a more structured routine/schedule. However, these times can quickly change, creating a daily rhythm more helpful. Having a daily rhythm leaves more time for you to be flexible when things don't go as planned. And as a twin mom, I can tell you, they rarely go as you planned! With the daily rhythm, you still have a general structure and flow to your day. It also allows you to play around more with how you want your day to be.
Once we established a fundamental rhythm in our home, everything got easier. We knew around what time of day we would take a shift with the babies, leaving the other to work, shower, run an errand, you get the idea. We knew when to prepare dinner (or order in) and when to expect the boys to get the nightly feeding.
Creating "mini routines" helped keep the flow to each day :
Mini Routine Example: We had a routine of our bedtime schedule each evening: bathtime, light classical music in low lighting, and diffusing essential oils as we fed one another. Then, we would put the twins in their crib/bassinet. The timing might have been different every night, but we had this routine to look forward to, around the same time each evening, give or take a half hour.
Routines and schedules still have a purpose, but remember to be flexible and chunk them into smaller ones rather than the whole day. You will go through different sleep phases, such as sleep regressions (something I was unprepared for), teething, and other sicknesses that disrupt a timely schedule. When you have established a rhythm, you know how you want your day to flow and can easily stay on track with the essential tasks, feedings, and naps that need to happen, even if the clock is not the same each day.
Find Ways to Rest and Unwind
You are not alone if you find it hard to "sleep when the babies sleep." Even though everyone will tell you to do that, and looking back, I wish I had tried harder, but honestly, my body was on such a high alert with everything, and by the time I sat still long enough, one or both would be up. I felt better getting some laundry folded or a quick clean-up for my mental health rather than trying to sleep (everyone is different, so listen to your own body and needs). I suggest taking shifts with your husband or if you can have some extra outside help and R E S T when you get an hour or so for yourself.
Remember that resting does not mean taking a nap or lying down. It can be finding something that relaxes your body, that can mean anything from going on a s l o w and quiet walk to shutting the door and reading a book or listening to a favorite podcast. Just find something that will rest your body and mind, so when you get back into your twin mom mode, you feel a little more rejuvenated than before.
Mindful Tip
Stay off of your phone, and do not scroll.
Using the phone as an escape is so easy, but it can become more of a crutch. You can get lost in seeing what you feel you are missing or compare yourself to other postpartum mothers. If you already have good boundaries with your phone, ignore this. Initially, I used the scroll as an escape needed to improve, and I wish I had done it differently. On another note, this is an excellent time to clean up your social media, where you are following very uplifting accounts, for when you need that positive boost.
Ignore the Advice; go with your gut!
Everyone is going to have something to say! Especially when you are out with your twins, people are like magnets when they see you. They are always asking questions or giving unsolicited advice. Literally, EVERYONE will have a comment about what to do and what not to do. You are spaced out and tired, and the last thing you want is someone dishing out all of this to you. Just nod and accept their comments to avoid being rude, but ignore what does not sit right for you. ONLY YOU know what is right for you and your family.
Mama intuition is REAL, and you will know those babies like no one else and have those gut feelings of what to do or what not to do for your family.
Use a Gentle Handsoap & Moisturizer
Talking about soap and moisturizers is odd compared to the other topics. But seriously, you will never have washed your hands as much as you did when bringing those babies home! You will be washing bottles and breast pump parts and changing diapers non-stop. Your hands will dry out fast, so use stuff that won't irritate them. I say this because I had eczema breakouts after my pregnancy, specifically on my hands, and the washing made them cracked and a mess. The last thing you want is to have blistered, peeling, or cracked hands when you need to use them all day.
Below are a few others that I liked for low-tox options. Using a moisturizer on your hands and your pregnant and postpartum body is also a must, so make sure you are choosing higher-quality products without chemicals!
Skip Google, Hit the Books
Yes, you can Google everything! But I only wanted to do that sometimes, and you can get so flooded with information from Googling that it can feel overwhelming. I highly recommend having a few books to keep around for looking up things like what the color of this poop means and if my baby is actually starting to teethe already!? The best book I found is What to Expect, The First Year; though not twin-related, it will answer many of your questions. If you are more likely to look online, here are some HIGHLY recommended websites that can help!
When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads // What To Do When You're Having Two // What To Expect the First Year // Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Twins // Holy Shit I'm Having Twins
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE WEBSITES TO GET YOU STARTED WITH YOUR TWIN RESEARCH :
http://www.multiplesofamerica.org/
https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/twins-and-multiples/
Remember, the first three months are the hardest…
…Okay, so having two kids the same age is usually challenging. And if you have more than one child besides your twins, I send you much love because it is not easy. But if you are a first-time mom (of twins), I can tell you that things calm down after having those babies home for three months. You have started to get into a routine, know your babies well and which cries mean what, and you start feeling like you can do this!! Some challenges are inevitable at every stage. Sleep regressions and teething can make things feel A LOT harder in the coming months, and these tips and tricks can apply to those times, too!